"Dear Self: Don’t Kill the Child Within"

I’ve come to tell you—you’ve grown up now.

I know that. But please, don’t kill the child within you, okay?

It’s alright to grow, to mature. But once you silence the child within, you start performing maturity rather than living authentically. You’ll get stuck in pretending to be calm, composed, and "adult," instead of being your true, messy, beautiful self.

Yes, learn to adjust—but not always.

Not now. Not today.

Years from now, you'll feel the pressure to be composed all the time. It’ll become a habit, just like gambling becomes a habit—addictive, draining, false.

I know this because I started living with relatives from the age of 3 to 5.

And like many, I went through things a child never should. Abuse. Violence. The kind that burns you physically and emotionally—walls slammed against me, needles pricked into my hands, burns... all because I dared to write a letter.

And yet—I survived.

I came out of it.

I once couldn’t speak. Now, I speak loudly. And even when I'm silent, my silence speaks volumes.

I won’t go into every detail of my childhood.

But I will tell you this: despite having a family, I was treated worse than an orphan. Back then, I believed that once I left that place, I’d never look back. But it doesn't work like that.

At first, I was like a stone—cold, numb.

Now, I cry at the smallest things.

Now, I carry the weight of other people’s anger. I either watch it fall on those I love, or I bury my own.

As we grow, our emotions shift.

Sometimes, I feel like I’ve become my own worst enemy. The cruelty I’ve experienced threatens to harden me. But my heart reminds me: the world isn’t entirely bad.

I don’t want to live this way—not in silence, not in bitterness.

Today, I’m speaking the truth. And I ask—

Why should I be silent?

Why should I lie to myself?

Why should I feel guilty for surviving?

I still have a life to live.

Yes, perspectives change.

We humans have a strange habit—we give back a little of what we receive, but the hatred we receive? It stays buried deep inside us.

As adults, we search for what we missed as children.

Love. Security. Belonging.

But often, we end up giving those things to others instead.

Maybe I’m greedy for love because I didn’t get it as a child.

But I know how to give love. I treat people how I want to be treated.

So no matter what—always choose to be kind.

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A Note to the Young Ones:

If you’re under 20—read more, listen more, speak less.

Teenage years make us impulsive. Instead of reacting, reflect.

You’ll thank yourself later.

And remember—turn your reaction into creation.

That's where the magic happens.

Trust your inner voice.

Your gut never lies, honey.

Yours,

S🦋